Family Matters

So I has based this post off a conversation I have with tlizzy on her post DAY 9: BLOGGING 101; GET INSPIRED BY THE NEIGHBOURS.

As a few of may have guessed, I do not have much of a relationship with my mother.  She often told be as I was growing up and she didn’t want me because I’m a girl.  She only wanted my brother.  On top of that, she often tried to leave me places and tried to change the locks (only to fail since she was too lazy to get it right.)  I haven’t said much about my father since, it’s a bit of a sore subject.  Let me explain.

My father left when I was three.  My brother and I had every other weekend visits with him until I was twelve.  It actually my favorite time since my step-mum was goofy but so nice and sweet.  A totally different woman than my mother.  We would paint and draw and play outside, all depending how my father was feeling. He was in Vietnam and had PTSD.  Little things would tick him off and often it cam out on my or my brother (or my step-mum or siblings).  We had to walk on eggshells around him.  I’m not going to lie, I was his favorite and I got to stay and watch Star Trek when I was with him.

Then we stopped seeing him when I was twelve; his car broke down, his relationship with my step-mum crashed and burned and then two years later he moved to Florida.   I never really got close to him.  And I struggled with that for most of my life.  I had two parents who had their own problems and I was forgotten in the mix.  This made my teenage years difficult.  (There were other problems too but I will hold back on that stuff here).

As I got older, I started to realize that life was not going to be easy for me and that I can’t just sit in self pity.  If I wanted life to be worth something, I needed to break away from the jealously and anger I had for life and I had to make it better.

I lost my father this past July.  We hadn’t spoke for over a year before that.  I felt so guilty about it but I knew my father,  He had stopped talking to me in his own way of protecting me.  He didn’t want me to know how sick he was.  I still struggle with it but I know that now he is at peace and isn’t fighting the world.  So I can take peace in that.

Also, I got to connect with my grandmother and aunt who I really never knew.  So that is another win, if you view it that way.  It is so great to get to know them.

The biggest thing for me as I raise my daughter is to make sure she knows that she is loved – even if I can’t always tell her.  I grew up with parents who had other things on their plates (for my father) I’m not mad.  Now that I am an adult, I understand that his part he tried. He wasn’t perfect.  But I am glad for those times of shinning brightness that broke through the clouds of my childhood.  I don’t want my daughter to miss those bright spots.  So I am going to try my best to show her the brightness!

So, enough with the past, now on to the future and meeting new people! 🙂

Until next time…

The Window

Today in writing 101, we had a choose of one of four picture to write about.  I picked, “The Window.”  This is with the main characters of my current sci-fi project.  Well, I will let you just get at it.  Let me know what you think!  🙂

Sam’s Dream

Samantha slowly opened her eyes to a dark room. She slowly sat up and looked around. It wasn’t her quarter. The air was heavy and smelled stale. She lifted her left hand up and felt the space next to her. It was a wooden wall. She slid her hand across the grain, the roughness of it pricked her fingertips. She felt small nail holes where two boards of wood met. A small smile formed across her face. Then, her reality sunk in.
Over to her right there was a dim light filtering in through a sheer curtain. Sam slowly stood up and discovered that she was wearing her night gown. A white, sheer, gown with single string straps. It wasn’t the uniform she last wore.
She pushed herself to her feet off the ancient wooden bed she was laying on. A small breeze brushed against her skin as she struggled to see in the dim light. Behind the curtain was the light source. Her guess was a small window but there was so little light it was hard for her to take an educated guess.
She reached out her right hand to pull the curtain back when she felt a hand and arm wrap around her midsection. Sam froze and looked back. Nick stood behind her. He was wearing nothing but his boxers. His body was well in shape; it threw her off guard. She pushed back from him and through the curtain.
His hand reached out to her as she stood facing the curtain. “Help me,” his voice cried out. Sam went to reach for his hand when the floor jerked her into the wall. She looked behind her to see a window. Samantha struggled against the shacking of the floor and the cries of Nick to get to the window. More cries began coming from behind the curtain. The closer she got to the window the faster her heart pumped.
Outside of the window was black nothingness of space. Tiny speck of starlight filtered in. The air in her lungs evaporated as her mouth swung open. Behind the curtain, everything went silent.
Samantha turned back to the curtain only to find black nothingness where the bed and room she was just in. She turned back to see the window open. A strong force was pulling her into the window. A cry for help went unanswered.
Samantha shot up from her slumber and looked around where she was. She was sitting on her back, on floor of the storage room. Vincent stood over her. His mouth was moving but she couldn’t hear him.

I had times myself for about 15 minutes.  I could have gone on and one; so I cut it here.  I hope you liked it!  (Again, a little disclaimer here.  This is equivalent to a free write which then in turns means it’s not edited [completely] and etc.  Please just enjoy it without trying to destroy it!  Thanks!)

Until next time…